02-05-2013, 08:00 AM
So, what are looking to improve in this one?
I would hold off on the explanation in the beginning: One week is a little too short to make the speaker come off as anything but obsessive. Unless this ends with her chopped up in an ice chest somewhere, its probably a more intense tone than the duration warrants. Oh well, just thoughts. Welcome!
I would hold off on the explanation in the beginning: One week is a little too short to make the speaker come off as anything but obsessive. Unless this ends with her chopped up in an ice chest somewhere, its probably a more intense tone than the duration warrants. Oh well, just thoughts. Welcome!
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson