02-05-2013, 02:24 AM
Hi, me again...promise i'm not stalking you. I just seem to keep comming across your stuff when i have a few moments.
This one sort of felt like it needs a serious edit. For me i did not feel that the first two or the last stanza belonged in this poem, but then i really liked what you had to say in the mid section of S3, 4 & 5. I particularly liked the images in S5 and the continuation of the aquatic based words, as a medium to express the fluidity and instability of the workings of the mind, made the whole thing really work in my opinion.
Some excellent lines in there. Thanks for the share and as ever I enjoyed listening to your intended presentation of your work.
AJ.
This one sort of felt like it needs a serious edit. For me i did not feel that the first two or the last stanza belonged in this poem, but then i really liked what you had to say in the mid section of S3, 4 & 5. I particularly liked the images in S5 and the continuation of the aquatic based words, as a medium to express the fluidity and instability of the workings of the mind, made the whole thing really work in my opinion.
Some excellent lines in there. Thanks for the share and as ever I enjoyed listening to your intended presentation of your work.
AJ.