The beach - prose. (Edit 2)

[serge gurkski]

I decided to stop commenting where I stopped. I loved reading this.
I also envy you for having been to Guernsey.
This is a first feedback only. I'd love to go on but only if you want it. ,-)
cheers
serge

Would love some further comments these are very helpful. Thank you. (I hope this doesn't spoil it..but will just mention when written was intended as a two way allegory).

we lived on Guernsey for 18mths. sort of love hate thing for me. Loved the beach life - being able to walk the beach all seasons was amazing. Hate the sense of claustrophobia the high population on the island gave me. (Went from 27mile to a supermarket in Devon to the whole island is only 3 x 7 miles...did my head in).

Guernsey klaustrophobia. Now, now that would be sth. ,-)
No, seriously: i did read a bit further down (and liked) but not sure if to spill it out here. I will, I guess. When I critique I am often insecure if i may not hurt bc that is never my intention. I know it is an allegory (I write,too. ,-) ). Not the point.
what I like esp. is that you introducd prose. ;-)
cheers

serge

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and like a homecoming, in a rush, it all comes back to her. <<< that too.The allure of him; his touch, his fragrance, his embrace. They share a familiarity <<< I like this. and so she opens herself up to him, the hem of her skirt lifting and falling in rhythm to his advances. << Unable to resist each other, they sigh in unison. <<< would skip : unable to resist each other. Now gathering himself, he breaks upon her awareness and within the flood comes identity.<<< a bit too sophisticated. Forgive me. ,-) Again and again he breaks and invades her barriers and strongholds<<< my rewrite: again and again he breaks her barriers.. Each fresh wave bringing revelation, forgotten treasure and vitality. <<< I like “forgotten treasure but would skip this sentence. He covers her and they are hidden together. <<< like this. Her desolation and barrenness removed. <<< her bareness removed. Every part of her being is restored and filled with intimacy. No stone left unturned, <<< I would skip this and go on with:no scar left un-caressed, but maybe rather: all of her scars caressed.; a sifting through every layer, until she is known, she is complete.<<< would skip: she is complete. I find; until she is known very strong. Kudos. There they stay, but for the gentle pull of passing time. Holding each other, total immersion and intermingling.<<< would reduce this to: total immersion. Each fully sated and requited.<<< would throw this out: redundant. For nothing was withheld and no part was despised. <<
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The next part is crucial so i take my time commenting.
cheers
serge

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"No part was despised. <<< this makes me thinking. No suspicion. Just thinking.