02-01-2013, 10:57 AM
I like the sharp the rhythm of the first three lines, established by all those commas and semi-colons. The poem's an interesting mix of melodramatic and soothing. The first half is all "sweat pricking" and "blood's roar", while the second uses words like "trickling" and "unassuming". If I had to make one criticism it would be that there's not a great deal of texture; it's more about describing feelings than place or character. Some of its lines, however, are beautifully crafted and melodius, especially L7. Thank you for the read
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe