full circle

[Yelleryella123]

thank you. rowens, this is based on my actual experience. I was in the library, down the hall in view of me there were 3 people sitting in a room with glass windows. One of those.. study rooms. I knew they were there, I meditated anyway. I needed to relax - badly. I put on some music and closed my eyes, the music stopped and I heard something. I looked over and I could see them laughing. I closed my eyes, told myself to keep going - to ignore them. Thoughts of superiority floated into my mind, that I was a meditator, an individual, a "non-conformist" and they didn't understand, therefore I am better than them for not judging blah blah blah, defense mechanism to perceived ridicule (for all I know, they could have been laughing at a joke).
I started writing, the first 3 lines of "I am a meditator, an individual" type thinking
and then, I realized - I thought I was exploring my mind, (for example) but I was an explorer in fixed space. I was fixed on thinking about these people in a glass room. I came to a conclusion about what they were doing/thinking about me - when I was in a "glass room" as well. A box of perception. The whole idea of the poem (for me): we sometimes think we know something, but we have no idea and chances are we aren't the center of it all. We can put ourselves in a superior mental position when we are doing the same thing we are upset other people are doing. A defense mechanism, but also a projection. so, a full circle.
It was all in my mind.