Poem- any comments welcome!

[billy]

Hi rowan.
i think you have a good poem on your hands here. go over it though and you'll see some mistakes, things like two ands side by side. there are a couple of small words you don't need and after Gandalf! or for a few line further down.

but those little nits aside i found it a sad yet entertaining poem. the last line hooks back to the title and allows the reader to ponder for a few seconds before reading the poem again

thanks for the read.

The Shadow of Us



Are you going to die? my son asks,
happily. I push open the heavy door
between the darkness of the theatre
and the soft sunlight outside.
Yes, I say, someday,
when my beard is long and and white
like Gandalf! and I scoop him up
and scratch my grizzly chin against his neck.
I want to hear him laugh-
to keep at bay,
for just a little longer,
the knowledge of death in him,
to keep him free
from the tangled branches
of our blackened family tree,
to hide from him the hollow place
where the echo of suicide whispers.
I can only hope
when it's his time to ripen and fall,
he will be borne
on some sweet gust of luck
and land softly, in sunlight,
far from the shadow of us