01-26-2013, 08:02 AM
Is this just an exercise in English, or is there something behind the poem?
The rhymes are so simple. And it doesn't really say much. But you're still learning English, so I guess you're trying to be as matter of fact as possible.
'Utmost' is an interesting word here. But if you simply mean 'greatest'; or if you do mean 'most important' or 'special', then one of those words is better.
The poem is too flimsy. The content is hardly even there.
It simply needs a lot of work.
Do you see how it seems to go by so fast? The lines and sentences seem too rushed. They're just stuck one under the other, so they don't flow well, with their meaning or their rhythm.
The rhymes are so simple. And it doesn't really say much. But you're still learning English, so I guess you're trying to be as matter of fact as possible.
'Utmost' is an interesting word here. But if you simply mean 'greatest'; or if you do mean 'most important' or 'special', then one of those words is better.
The poem is too flimsy. The content is hardly even there.
It simply needs a lot of work.
Do you see how it seems to go by so fast? The lines and sentences seem too rushed. They're just stuck one under the other, so they don't flow well, with their meaning or their rhythm.