01-25-2013, 05:03 AM
(01-25-2013, 04:33 AM)svanhoeven Wrote:Both good catches. Thanks.(01-24-2013, 03:45 AM)tectak Wrote: A silence fell. No words could tell how glorious the ice-crazed crests;
^-- how glorious the ice-crazed crests what? You need some verb or form of "be" in there, e.g. "how glorious were the ice-crazed crests", or flatly speaking, "how glorious the ice-crazed crests were". Or maybe "how glorious rose the ice-crazed crests". You could also remove the "how" that needs the verb, and make it "No words could tell the glory of the ice-crazed crests;" (adjust for meter as necessary)
or loose a sigh of indrawn breath on sight of sparkling azure sea.
What lay beneath us rolled like gold, arcs of gilded dunes; whilst west
dark wadis ran from hasting day, and haboobs sucked the mountain's lee.
<-- Instead of "hasting", did you mean to use "hast'ning" as an elision of "hastening"?
tectak
2013
A small craft flight ( Cherokee 6) from Tunis to Dakhla. First leg, Es Senia airstrip. 691 miles, 5hrs 12mins, cruising at 5500ft.
1968
I am poetically licenced ( BN123/HJ5465234) to use hasting. Furthermore, my wife says that the verb is implied in the sentence you refer to and though I think you may be more right than wrong I sleep with her. Its you against her. Let's see what the crits might say.
Best,
tectak

