01-24-2013, 04:58 PM
(01-24-2013, 12:53 PM)corawrites Wrote: I find poems that rhyme a lot like this one are difficult to "pull off" because they have a tendency to sound...cheesy (I tried to think of a better adjective but I've got nothing). That being said, I don't think that's the case here so hooray. You did a nice job with this and you have a lot of strong lines in here, and I didn't find anything to be particularly poor, although I do agree with brandontoh's opinion of some lines feeling forced. I definitely prefer the revision you posted. Honestly I think you could graduate from the novice section...thank you for your kind words...i am working my way up to mild and serious but i want to come strong when i do, i know i have a lot of good rhymes and metaphors and such (not being cocky just confident
) but i want to work on meeting the specs for the different types of poetry before i bust out of novice... to me the best at what they do have tried all the steps and i want to climb the ladder so to speak
"Life is a dream for the wise, a game for the fool, a comedy for the rich, a tragedy for the poor."-Sholom Aleichem