guilt

[cidermaid]

Hi Cora, there was a lot to like in your poem in terms of where the telling took us. I agree with Billy's thoughts concerning the inclucion of some more images so perhaps a different angle to offer for your consideration would be to look at the poem as a text block. Perhaps those three longer lines could be contracted down. A couple of suggestions below.

It is as if the ceiling of my room is the Eye of God
And I am but a worm
Eating and shitting out dirt
A slimy fool who knows nothing of anything
But the garbage on which I thrive
I am acutely aware of it
lacking the faculties to do much about it. You could remove the but and add a period.
Except moan and sigh over the banalities of this simple life. Moaning sighing over the banalities
Wallpaper the word "meaning"
Empty as these rooms
With all their books and papers and computers and televisions Try finding a acceptable contraction or image instead of the list. ? not much to offer...stoked with ravenous communication vampires
Nothing is anything here
But how it appears that we have everything
I am a fool rolling around on a filthy bed of gold
This foolish gold which will take me nowhere and teach me nothing could you take out the first three words of this line...if you like the image of fools gold you might be able to work it into the line below
Except the superficialities of my own existence
And how I've never amounted to anything in all of this
Blessed Time

I hope this was not too much crit for the post, but I thought that this was a really good effort and is well worth some more time working with it. Thanks for the read. AJ.[/b]