this is a Poem

[brandontoh]

Working title: Pre artist

Crinkly hair, too messy, shaggy.
Clothes are grey and brownish boring.
Yeah, she sits there like a herring
staring, staring, staring, staring --- Try changing this to "staring, staring, staring...". The ellipses give the idea of endless repetition.
into particles and air.

Seldom pips a word if any,
often makes the teacher angry.
Nothin special ´bout her really
´xept her hands are full of many
charcoal stains and bright paint spots. --- If you're trying to exude a more lonely and depressing mood, 'bright' is not the word to use.

Then the lunch brake starts too early --- lunch break
and the others vanish hasty,
but not quiet, boring "curly"
moving not at all with hurry.
She´s is somewhere else in mind

Careful with a gesture gentle
she expose her crayons, pencils.
In her safe and holy temple
with some green and orange purple
she compose, compose. --- Only one compose is needed. Maybe you can try changing the second one to 'alone', but that'd be too cliche. It fits your rhyme scheme though.


I have a hard time deciding where to put the , and .´s in this one. And i´m also wondering if this is story wise making enough sense to understand, like i´ve mentioned english is not my first language.

All in all, a great effort. =) Rowens has pointed out all the basic grammatical mistakes. Don't worry too much about the punctuations, you'll learn as you write more.