Narrow Divide

[rowens]

So close, I can see you clear
A step or two and we'll be near
The silent stream our divide
Seems, a few feet wide

Put the comma after "silent stream"?


I take a step, and another still
But the stream begins to fill
Not so calm, and not so narrow
It's a river, through my hart an arrow


The rhymes are crude. The spelling of 'hart', is it a mistake? The wording isn't so good.



It's foaming now, a wild wind blows
Like the stream, already knows
I must reach the other side
Pure emotion my only guide


The comma after stream seems out of place. Maybe:

It's foaming now; a wild wind blows,
Like the stream already knows
I must reach the other side,
Pure emotion my only guide.

You can use punctuation to link meanings too. Like if you subtly wanted to link a wild wind with your emotions.



But I am weak, all hope is lost
My arms and legs like winters frost
One last image, a sweet goodbye
Your smile, your face, before I die


"Winter's frost"...