01-19-2013, 01:50 PM
Hi Cora,
You have nice rhythm going for the first two stanzas. S3 though feels awkward. It could be the point of view change. I'd concentrate there. Also, you probably want to end with pearl line that's the pay off. Could you move the final two lines above the pearl?
Just some thoughts. Welcome to the site!
Best,
Todd
You have nice rhythm going for the first two stanzas. S3 though feels awkward. It could be the point of view change. I'd concentrate there. Also, you probably want to end with pearl line that's the pay off. Could you move the final two lines above the pearl?
Just some thoughts. Welcome to the site!
Best,
Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson