The Goblin's Carrion Crow.

[billy]

a good meter would help no end, it reminds me just a smidgen, of Rossetti's goblin market. the word goblin always does. (i saw a elf once with his head between his knees and asked "are you a goblin" and he replied "no, I've got a headache" (sorry i couldn't help meself)

back to the poem. you have some images that are pretty could and some cliche that are not. a good way of getting rid of cliche is to change them into images. if you can you'll have an image rich poem.

an example;

You followed the carrion crow
and flew into the woods that May.

will be a good poem with a bit of work.

You followed the carrion crow good opening line
into the woods one day.
You did not mean to get so lost,
Did not mean to lose your way.

He leads you to a dank cave,
And your pulse skips a beat.
You ignore the warning of sense,
False courage stoping your retreat. stopping

The goblins black sweat will stain your clothes
as they press you to their skin.
They’ll hum haunting lullaby’s
to try to lure you in.

Your senses tell you you must flee,
but your heart begins to drink, best line in the poem.
and before long you’re dancing-
Unable to leave, unable to think.

They’ll snatch at your soul like hyenas good image/simile
while making you fall in love.
They’ll catch you in their arms
as you’re falling from above.

I wonder if people will miss you,
I wonder if people will know,
That you, like me, fell victim,
To the goblins carrion crow. this is also my fave line

as suggestion would be along the lines of:

I wonder will family miss you,
I wonder will friends ever know,
That you, like me, became victim,
To goblin's carrion crow.