01-16-2013, 06:11 PM
It's a good attempt. You kept to four lines per stanza, and no more than 8 syllables per line. Keeping a structure is a good guideline, but I do believe that you can feel free to let loose a little and not pay too much mind to the structure as long as it helps further your idea and deepen the impact.
As for the poem itself, cliches that billy mentioned aside, I like how every stanza starts with something that helps put the readers into the right state of mind for each stanza. The title does help provide context for the poem, but I think it can be better phrased.
As for the poem itself, cliches that billy mentioned aside, I like how every stanza starts with something that helps put the readers into the right state of mind for each stanza. The title does help provide context for the poem, but I think it can be better phrased.
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