01-14-2013, 11:05 AM
What an improvement!
Blemish is more potent than cut, because it implies a mark on something previously pure. I do like the idea of "joy skewed through the prism of dreams denied" -- the dreams could be more concrete perhaps, but it gives us a good image.
Blemish is more potent than cut, because it implies a mark on something previously pure. I do like the idea of "joy skewed through the prism of dreams denied" -- the dreams could be more concrete perhaps, but it gives us a good image.
It could be worse