01-14-2013, 01:20 AM
Thanks Doolasmind and Billy!
I definitely was looking for phrases or words/wordplay that would fit the ideas I was trying to convey; I guess I found what was in my mind was a lot of cliché lol But I find it interesting that is where my mind went for phrases.
I spelled checked again, I didn't find your spelling errors. I'd be happy to fix them. As far as the grammar, on this particular one I wanted it to have kind of a rough feel; but I'm totally open to making the changes and reading it again to get some perspective. I did leave the “cuz” in there for feel.
I'll checkout some of the writing poetry entries for newbies, this was all on a whim. I didn't know why I really wrote it I just came out. I felt a bit silly after posting like "what am I doing? I don't write poetry" then after I posted, "This is terrible lol".
Today, however, I see that poetry can be a window into your mind or intellect. Like how I used a lot of cliché, the challenge for the next piece would be to apply some principles from your suggestions and the forum and see if I can come up with something better or more original.
I think this can help with communication, how we use our words and can be the difference between good and bad communication. Very cool!
Thanks for all your comments
I definitely was looking for phrases or words/wordplay that would fit the ideas I was trying to convey; I guess I found what was in my mind was a lot of cliché lol But I find it interesting that is where my mind went for phrases.
I spelled checked again, I didn't find your spelling errors. I'd be happy to fix them. As far as the grammar, on this particular one I wanted it to have kind of a rough feel; but I'm totally open to making the changes and reading it again to get some perspective. I did leave the “cuz” in there for feel.
I'll checkout some of the writing poetry entries for newbies, this was all on a whim. I didn't know why I really wrote it I just came out. I felt a bit silly after posting like "what am I doing? I don't write poetry" then after I posted, "This is terrible lol".
Today, however, I see that poetry can be a window into your mind or intellect. Like how I used a lot of cliché, the challenge for the next piece would be to apply some principles from your suggestions and the forum and see if I can come up with something better or more original.
I think this can help with communication, how we use our words and can be the difference between good and bad communication. Very cool!
Thanks for all your comments