01-13-2013, 06:21 PM
Welcome Josh!
I'm glad you're sharing your poems with us.
The trouble I'm having with this are the long lines:
"A zealot for your attention, but it was justified when I was rewarded with opulence; not in material wealth but in your affection,"
"The evanescence of my feelings are apparent, a diminution of my love is substantiated in scar tissue which serves as a reminder of all these now despondent moments we shared,"
A lot can be said without so many words and still have as much impact. Overall, It's packed with a wide range of vocabulary, it helped in delivering the emotional aspect of it. As a reader I can relate to the emotions without having them myself just by reading this.
I'm glad you're sharing your poems with us.
The trouble I'm having with this are the long lines:
"A zealot for your attention, but it was justified when I was rewarded with opulence; not in material wealth but in your affection,"
"The evanescence of my feelings are apparent, a diminution of my love is substantiated in scar tissue which serves as a reminder of all these now despondent moments we shared,"
A lot can be said without so many words and still have as much impact. Overall, It's packed with a wide range of vocabulary, it helped in delivering the emotional aspect of it. As a reader I can relate to the emotions without having them myself just by reading this.