The War Within

[billy]

hi doo
i see leanne's already pointed out the practice forum where we keep most of the poetry forms, and the meter reference. these will serve you well if you give them a chance/try.

i can't add a lot to what she said buit i will reinforce it by saying it's a lot like i would have said. make sure you check your grammar, for instance, a capital letter comes after a period and not a comma.

This is my first time ever posting here. I write poetry and I show it to my friends and family and they all say they like it but that only keeps me content with what I am doing. So I decided to post here where people would be brutally honest. I do not know much about the templates for poetry so I would especially be interested with insight as to how I can improve in that area. Other than that have away.

some good lines in the poem; the 2nd line though 'the' isn't needed.
and line 3 but again it doesn't need the 'the' in there, there are more and i think you have a base for a good poem here.


Strength of a man measured in deeds
Pursuit of paradise based on the creeds
Lords might judge but serfs are the jury
Kings react slow but peasants must hurry

Happiness is lost, Faith goes too
You know not fate, Yet fate knows you
Condemned to life, We serve out the sentence
Most feel guilt, And give due penance

Keep your head down, Lest you scrape the ceiling
Ambition is kept near, What a guarded feeling
Doubt does lurk, Ready to pounce
Hope does float, Ready to bounce

Bold men aspire, They dare great feats
Weak men sit, And reserve the seats
A flower blossoms in the coldest of places
And humility masks the boldest of faces

Life is dear to none and all
The meek can rise, The great can fall [/i]