01-11-2013, 08:40 PM
What can I say? It is simply great.
I know this is 'serious critique corner', and so I should make some more concrete observations.
The whole thing just works for me, from first to last. The, "Unsmokeable pubs puke me out like
moms wanting nothing but getting it right and rid of the shit they just made into getting alive" is fantastic, and it really dragged me in. Any condemnation of 'unsmokeable pubs' gets my vote.
I must confess I thought, at first, the French a little contrived and dare I say pretentious. But after a closer reading, I see that it just flows so nicely into the atmosphere of the poem.
The only part I stopped at was, 'frozen in vision'. I can't say why, I am no expert on such matters, but for some reason it just didn’t work for me. It sounded a little forced or maybe false… or cliché maybe? How many times have we heard something 'frozen in…' and possibly because the rest of the poem seems so original it just stuck out a bit.
anyhow, a wonderful poem, and one I shall read and re-read (and undoubtedly quote next time I find myself reaching for my fags in an 'unsmokeable' pub).
I know this is 'serious critique corner', and so I should make some more concrete observations.
The whole thing just works for me, from first to last. The, "Unsmokeable pubs puke me out like
moms wanting nothing but getting it right and rid of the shit they just made into getting alive" is fantastic, and it really dragged me in. Any condemnation of 'unsmokeable pubs' gets my vote.
I must confess I thought, at first, the French a little contrived and dare I say pretentious. But after a closer reading, I see that it just flows so nicely into the atmosphere of the poem.
The only part I stopped at was, 'frozen in vision'. I can't say why, I am no expert on such matters, but for some reason it just didn’t work for me. It sounded a little forced or maybe false… or cliché maybe? How many times have we heard something 'frozen in…' and possibly because the rest of the poem seems so original it just stuck out a bit.
anyhow, a wonderful poem, and one I shall read and re-read (and undoubtedly quote next time I find myself reaching for my fags in an 'unsmokeable' pub).