01-06-2013, 01:55 PM
Hey Hurst,
A very interesting read.
They'll snatch at your sould like hyenas/while making you fall in love"---I really like that, it's twisted.
"lullaby's" should be lullabies
"Your senses tell you you must flee" should have a comma between the "you"s
The last stanza feels generic, theres detail throughout the poem but the last stanza feels vague and not as strong.
"But your heart begins to drink" is a brilliant detail
Overall, I felt very intrigued from line to line trying to figure out where it's going to lead me. It's simple but captivating and has a bit of quirk to it.
A very interesting read.
They'll snatch at your sould like hyenas/while making you fall in love"---I really like that, it's twisted.
"lullaby's" should be lullabies
"Your senses tell you you must flee" should have a comma between the "you"s
The last stanza feels generic, theres detail throughout the poem but the last stanza feels vague and not as strong.
"But your heart begins to drink" is a brilliant detail
Overall, I felt very intrigued from line to line trying to figure out where it's going to lead me. It's simple but captivating and has a bit of quirk to it.