01-05-2013, 01:53 PM
I like the general air of the poem. A few suggestions would be:
* Delete the elipses after "Hear her plea," but keep the ellipses after "Hug me."
* Change the "She knows not the meaning of glee." It sounds forced.
* Not sure about the 'bitter hatred' line either. If a person was fed hatred, they would become hateful. That doesn't sound like the innocent match girl you're painting.
* Loved 'pastel life'
* Hated 'delicate flower
* Liked your choice of rhyme scheme (apart from in that one glee/ hatred stanza.
Thanks for the read.
-Hurst
* Delete the elipses after "Hear her plea," but keep the ellipses after "Hug me."
* Change the "She knows not the meaning of glee." It sounds forced.
* Not sure about the 'bitter hatred' line either. If a person was fed hatred, they would become hateful. That doesn't sound like the innocent match girl you're painting.
* Loved 'pastel life'
* Hated 'delicate flower
* Liked your choice of rhyme scheme (apart from in that one glee/ hatred stanza.
Thanks for the read.
-Hurst