01-03-2013, 05:01 PM
Hi Brandntoh,
As far as i know it is perfectly acceptable to give a Haiku a title. (Perhaps some might consider it a minor cheat
..but it's still Ok i think).
Your title actually help the reader into the subject and does not repeat or detract, so it is fine.
For me i find that this does not really connect in a chohesive way.
The actual images you have chosen and words in themselves are sound enough, but perhaps a bit of a play with the tense and construction to consider.
In particular the L2 Thunders are singing is just gramatically unsound.
A simple change around of the line..perhaps something like:
Singing thunder, raindrop drums.
Thanks for the read
As far as i know it is perfectly acceptable to give a Haiku a title. (Perhaps some might consider it a minor cheat
..but it's still Ok i think).Your title actually help the reader into the subject and does not repeat or detract, so it is fine.
For me i find that this does not really connect in a chohesive way.
The actual images you have chosen and words in themselves are sound enough, but perhaps a bit of a play with the tense and construction to consider.
In particular the L2 Thunders are singing is just gramatically unsound.
A simple change around of the line..perhaps something like:
Singing thunder, raindrop drums.
Thanks for the read