01-03-2013, 07:51 AM
Welcome Brandon!
Is this your first practice at a septolet?
It seems to follow the guidlines.
I think maybe another word should replace "mutely" in my opinion its not a fit word for what she's feeling, it's more general than emotional. You only have so many lines and words to capture a feeling or action. The way I took that line is that she's desperate for his effort, wanting his attention and I believe that's what you were going for.
Other than that I think you did a great job portraying two people who both want something from one another but not speaking up, that tends to happen a lot.
Is this your first practice at a septolet?
It seems to follow the guidlines.
I think maybe another word should replace "mutely" in my opinion its not a fit word for what she's feeling, it's more general than emotional. You only have so many lines and words to capture a feeling or action. The way I took that line is that she's desperate for his effort, wanting his attention and I believe that's what you were going for.
Other than that I think you did a great job portraying two people who both want something from one another but not speaking up, that tends to happen a lot.