Sex (My Life) (explicit)

[billy]

hi benny

is she hard and fat, or was it the the hard on?

the 2nd couplet reads like child molesting, incest, or necrophilia, i'm not sure which

my penis is sick, alone and cries is anything but erotic hehe.

now for some seriousness. pick a route you want the poem to go down and go down it. of course it can be humorous and dark but either way, i think it has to be subtle. pull the reader in as a voyeur or participant. try and be more than fat hard erection and 'give me that'

for me the line to work around is the sick penis line.

the last stanza feels too trite, to "i want to end the poem, i know i'll say that" kind of thing. each line of the poem has to work together even when diametrically opposed to each other.

This started off erotic and got gory. I don't know what I wanted to do with this, but it made me laugh.

Sex (My Life)

She reaches for erection hard and fat
Looks between my legs and says, “give me that”

Eye the body, slither down moist vulva
Reminds of that summer with grandma

Could she be a demon in disguise?
My penis is sick, alone and cries

I talk in black tongues, her face is dead white
I wish I had never gone on that diet

It was so innocent, but now ungodly
Mingled horrors with grotesque debauchery

The only cure a savage plan
Knife is suitable for castration

Got to nut off
It is cut off
now crumbling soft