01-02-2013, 07:43 AM
Oh my!
My first thought is the narrator is a woman that is not happy with her man because she wants to be with a woman. I could be wrong but I blame the distracting images.
You have a lot of different images describing conflict of longing but scared to get what what the narrator truly wants. It really allows the reader to sympathize and understand the emotions.
A lot of great lines. The only criticism I can offer is maybe cutting out the extras such as "wandering on these fruitless streets" " the mess is that is my heart's desire" just anything that seems redundant or that doesnt add anything to the overall feeling.
I really enjoyed reading this from start to finish.
My first thought is the narrator is a woman that is not happy with her man because she wants to be with a woman. I could be wrong but I blame the distracting images.
You have a lot of different images describing conflict of longing but scared to get what what the narrator truly wants. It really allows the reader to sympathize and understand the emotions.
A lot of great lines. The only criticism I can offer is maybe cutting out the extras such as "wandering on these fruitless streets" " the mess is that is my heart's desire" just anything that seems redundant or that doesnt add anything to the overall feeling.
I really enjoyed reading this from start to finish.