01-02-2013, 03:58 AM
Although, "Something a dumb guy would write" is an interesting title, I think you need another one because a title gives your poem an identity and it can give the reader a glimpse of the poem before reading it.
This is a great start, I think it just needs some more detail. Describe the winter that is coming, describe the pain she begs etc. Your goal for this was to be earthy and it has that potential to be, you have all the right words to set that up it just needs some imagery for that earthy feel.
What is great about this is that its morbid but kinda romantic, it was a very interesting read.
This is a great start, I think it just needs some more detail. Describe the winter that is coming, describe the pain she begs etc. Your goal for this was to be earthy and it has that potential to be, you have all the right words to set that up it just needs some imagery for that earthy feel.
What is great about this is that its morbid but kinda romantic, it was a very interesting read.