12-29-2012, 07:05 AM
Hi Rowens,
I find this entrancing. It has a dreamy almost surreal quality about it that somehow manages to be simultaniously solid and real.
I do agree with the last line it does let it down. Not that I have anything particularly better to offer Perhaps something linking the dog back in...(later, passing by, he saw the dog was coughing up the spider).
By the way I think the sub note is poetic...unless this was part of the original poem...in which case my appoligies..I do get confused easily!.
Need a little help....was this intentional? (If not it's still very good).
AJ
I find this entrancing. It has a dreamy almost surreal quality about it that somehow manages to be simultaniously solid and real.
I do agree with the last line it does let it down. Not that I have anything particularly better to offer Perhaps something linking the dog back in...(later, passing by, he saw the dog was coughing up the spider).
By the way I think the sub note is poetic...unless this was part of the original poem...in which case my appoligies..I do get confused easily!.
Need a little help....was this intentional? (If not it's still very good).
AJ