First date jitters

[Todd]

Hi Jae,

Love poems can be a pain to pull off. I don't like many of them either. I think you have something here though. A few comments:

I'm not a big fan of love poems, but this is for practice, so any and all comments welcome.

A good idea
May find itself rot--I think you may want to break after itself and add rot to the next line
By the fiend that is cliché--maybe simplify: by that fiend cliché

Should we hand red rose--feels choppy without the a before red. I like that you move to the cliche of it all immediately
To winter’s cold veil
Will it abolish sun from ray?--I like the phrasing and personification of these two lines

Are we set rigid
Against falling leaf and hail--last comment the end couplet feels a bit gimmicky. Maybe falling hail and leaf to mix it up a bit
If this kiss should fail?

I really like this though. There's something kind of quirky about it that appeals to me.

Best,

Todd