12-26-2012, 06:31 AM
(12-25-2012, 11:19 AM)FerRat Wrote: 'I could walk with you, if you'd like'Is this a religious poem? The "Him" makes me think it's obvious; but it might just be a certain special someone. But I'll assume it's a religious Him.
I'm sure he would if I asked.
He'd hold me. Tell me it's fine.
He'd probably love me, if I asked.
He'd watch over me, care for me, even cry with me.
If I'd only ask.
He'd be my world, my life, me.
He'd would never let me hurt, let me fall.
But he want's me to jump.
He would save me a thousand times
If I'd ask just once.
Just once.
But I won't ask.
I can't ask.
Because I don't want to let anyone down.
Let Him down.
The "He'd would" and the "want's" can be fixed. The rest seems all right. I might can think of more to say, if I look at it again later. But it seems fine to me now. A clear and simple statement. If that's all you're going for, it works.
