This Winter (2nd edit)

[Todd]

I think the new edit flows very well. I'm really not sure what a general audience will get. As long as a poem is written well (which this is), I consider those subtle parts just bonuses to the reader if they see them. I think the changes work. The poem really pops.

This winter is a moving cloud
On the gray palette before me.
The leaning fog reaches upward
To meet a lowering shroud.
The days, hidden and diffuse.
The nights, curtained and lifeless.
Nothing distinct, nothing of detail,
Not a break, a star, or an edge to see, I am
Here in the cleft of this rock.
Alone on my watch, in my hour.
Waiting for something eternal.