me sits

[benthejack]

Cheers for the comments Billy and Pete.

i really like it. it lets you get into it. i'm not sure about the ing words. i've yet to hear an ing in that dialect, laughin' and jokin' sometin' etc. the extra length adds to the poem,

Yeah your'e right, I'll take the ings out

I'm intrigued by what the use of a dialect gives in the writing of a poem... almost like a freedom from the tyrrany of using 'usual' words in the construction of sentences, must be quite a brilliant experience and an interesting way of developing ones poetic muscles! - Inspirational!
With regard to the poem itself, the dialect portrays an attitude (maybe a little stereotyped but that's a very nit-picky). I feel there's an opportunity to explore the idea further perhaps being more positive about the narrator's attitude than critical of "them's" but that may be just a decision of taste. I think this is clever and good.

thanks Pete, I appreciate the comments!

To be honest I usually agree about pushing a positive rather than critical outlook. The criticality in this poem from another's perspective was intended to be a critique of 'our' lifestyle not the character's. It is intended to show his quiet contentment, and mirror back to us our own "intelligent stupidity". The first two stanzas show how damn judgemental or condescending ( rotten fish - disdain, fly face kid - unjustified pity) we "educated/normal" people are when it is actually us who should be pitied. Why be intelligent if you can be happy and quiet instead? I would personally trade my education for contentment any day, I would much rather be the character of this poem than the supposedly educated rushing rusher I currently am!
The choice of using dialect was to make the character very clearly different to the norm or different to you and me, thus "thems" distinctly becomes you and me rushing around the city chasing god knows what.
I strongly believe that seeing through another's eyes is the best way to understand the flaws and lack of wisdom of our own perspective.

Maybe if this doesn't come across very well I'll have another look at it and try to make his view more appealing, and to make it easier to see our constant stress and "intelligent stupidity" through his eyes.