me sits

[benthejack]

for me it's one of those poems that are hard to give feedback on. it reminds me or beercan sanwich. i like the west indies jameercan feel of it. out of all the poem if i had to pick 1 thing that didn't cut the cheese, it would be whirley twirley
how about whirleh twirleh or some way tthat inparts dialect '

other than that, it me friend like park bench

Cheers Billy.
I hadn't exactly intended on that particular dialect (to be honest I have no idea what I was going for) but your comments clarified it for me and helped write the rest (I started really late last night and realised I was too tired to finish)

but anyway I've had a refiddle with the first line (what you fink bout whirla twirla?) and added the content I wanted to add.