12-17-2012, 01:15 AM
Hello Art Deco. I'd like to start by saying great job on the poem and working with the brief.
I love this line
Heavy hinges wrought of iron
a knocker brass; a snarling lion. It's just great, love it
I also love the idea of what you where trying to do, but I feel we lose the connection between the first and last stanza and we forget about the person waiting. I feel this could be fixed by a new second stanza being put in, not instead of, but a long with the rest, to let us know it's a thought process. Or simply change the start of the second stanza to, my thoughts are drawn to acorn born. This will also set of the idea of a thought process. Then people won't mistake the poem for just a story about the life of the door.
These are of course just my thoughts and I hope you find them helpful.
I love this line
Heavy hinges wrought of iron
a knocker brass; a snarling lion. It's just great, love it
I also love the idea of what you where trying to do, but I feel we lose the connection between the first and last stanza and we forget about the person waiting. I feel this could be fixed by a new second stanza being put in, not instead of, but a long with the rest, to let us know it's a thought process. Or simply change the start of the second stanza to, my thoughts are drawn to acorn born. This will also set of the idea of a thought process. Then people won't mistake the poem for just a story about the life of the door.
These are of course just my thoughts and I hope you find them helpful.