12-15-2012, 11:23 AM
Read through the edit Jess and the flow is a lot better. I may come back with some more comments but one simple comment I saw on the first read.
Line 18: So I can't tell anyone
I think it would work better if you substituted the I with a they.
Line 18: So I can't tell anyone
I think it would work better if you substituted the I with a they.
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson