12-13-2012, 12:54 PM
Hi Jess. My novice opinion is that it's a little wordy. I tend towards the wordy myself but the best poems, in my opinion, are strong and concise. It seems that your poem has a strong personal message so I'm imagining that you can reach a little deeper and perhaps be a little less cliche. Definitely could use some imagery and I agree with Todd that it seems more like statements strung together. The use of rhyme is also interesting but it doesn't seem to follow a pattern. It's definitely okay to deviate from the rhyming norm but it's a bit all over the place. Lastly, I would make it single spaced and separate into stanzas. Good work, though! Please keep writing.