Owner

[aaron]

Leader
[ind]lead
[ind][ind]full
[ind][ind][ind]power

Follower
[ind]follow
[ind][ind]following
[ind][ind][ind]flower
O.W.N.E.R.

were is this line needed?
all
empowered

were all witnesses
[ind]to something

beautiful
What do you cry out for?

in a word...sex

hi aaron. the problem i have with the poem is the title. i see the poem as leader and follower.
the way the poem's set up i'd have gone for the opposites route you almost have

leader/follower, lead/follow, then the thins becomes different; full/following. flower/power do have associative meanings so they get through. but i can't see the point of owner done that way. and you could have had owned in the other stanza. all in all it's okay but i found it too simplistic. if you want to indent just click on reply and see how i did it.

thanks for the read.

hey billy im kindof a noob to poetry forums i wrote this wile listening to an ambient post rock musician. his music put me in a trance and i was trying to capture the impression each piece of his set had on me. he ended by creating very cool sounds by yelling into a microphone. i know this is a simple poem but i just wanted to see if someone would actually read it. i reeeaally appreciate your feedback.. ive been writing for years but my work always sucked. just recently i realize that i can fix that problem. thanx for showing me how to indent.