12-06-2012, 03:34 PM
hi pigler.
always try a use a title. often it's a front or side door into or about the poem. usually it allows a reader a clue as to the poems intent. for instance; you leave a note telling us what the poem is about when you could have titled it;
Slovenians rise up
at present the poem could be about any oppressed people or conflict
with things like signs held up, try and create something more in the read. use alliteration or consonance. signs held high. make use of similar sounds. words like but, so, or now, or as are seldom needed to begin a sentence except when filling meter and even then it should add to the poem there are exceptions when you have to use such words to allow for something to be understood. the end rhymes are okay. and you have some good lines to work with in an edit
thanks for the read.
always try a use a title. often it's a front or side door into or about the poem. usually it allows a reader a clue as to the poems intent. for instance; you leave a note telling us what the poem is about when you could have titled it;
Slovenians rise up
at present the poem could be about any oppressed people or conflict
with things like signs held up, try and create something more in the read. use alliteration or consonance. signs held high. make use of similar sounds. words like but, so, or now, or as are seldom needed to begin a sentence except when filling meter and even then it should add to the poem there are exceptions when you have to use such words to allow for something to be understood. the end rhymes are okay. and you have some good lines to work with in an edit
thanks for the read.