12-06-2012, 06:12 AM
Hi Pigler,
good poem, and clearly on an important topic. I particularly like the third stanza
My main critique would be the timing feels a little choppy in a few places. this could probably be remedied by removing a few of the connecting words (an example might be: "Signs held up, torches burning flames")
I also can't make sense of the line "it is clear none ever will allot"
Cheers for the poem,
Ben
good poem, and clearly on an important topic. I particularly like the third stanza
My main critique would be the timing feels a little choppy in a few places. this could probably be remedied by removing a few of the connecting words (an example might be: "Signs held up, torches burning flames")
I also can't make sense of the line "it is clear none ever will allot"
Cheers for the poem,
Ben
If something happens and you can remedy it, Why worry?
And if something happens that you can't remedy, Still why worry?
www.benjack.co.nz
And if something happens that you can't remedy, Still why worry?
www.benjack.co.nz