11-25-2012, 12:37 PM
I think poetry is very important.
"When I published my first anthology, I of course gave a copy to my parents."
I published a book around 2005 or 2006. My family sent it to a doctor (I had to go to doctors because I have blinding mind pains that sometimes make me sick and feverish for months), and the doctor said my book was crazy. Ever since, everything I say or do in this town is considered insane, because my family like to gossip. When I was in so much pain that I couldn't see, I felt I was going to die, my family sent me away. So I went to the doctor, and they gave me pills, and though the pain only got worse, the pills made me sleep. So I mostly laid in bed for three years, doped up. The pain was worse, and I was so exhausted from the effects of drugs that I couldn't fight off the pain. Meanwhile, all my closest friends were starting to use morphine and other things like that. One day, I stopped taking the pills, I got out of bed, I walked up and down the road all day long for a year or so, until I lost most of the seventy pounds I'd gained on the drugs. People in my family kept calling me fat, and people would see me walking on the road all fat, and they gossiped about it, and my family heard about it, and were pissed off at me for walking around all fat. And my friends were all drug addicts, and didn't talk to me, because they were off finding ways to get high. And I'm not a happy person.
Life is not ordered by anything if not the poetry that each individual creates. And this is made for others, as much as for the person that makes it. The "I" that I claim to be is an illusion. And I have to keep myself intact every moment, with this illusion, or I float away into abstract impersonal, vertiginous maddening pain. I have to consciously construct "who I am" every moment.
So if people here, like most people, think that what I say is weird or arrogant, or talking all out of my ass: that's my explanation.
"When I published my first anthology, I of course gave a copy to my parents."
I published a book around 2005 or 2006. My family sent it to a doctor (I had to go to doctors because I have blinding mind pains that sometimes make me sick and feverish for months), and the doctor said my book was crazy. Ever since, everything I say or do in this town is considered insane, because my family like to gossip. When I was in so much pain that I couldn't see, I felt I was going to die, my family sent me away. So I went to the doctor, and they gave me pills, and though the pain only got worse, the pills made me sleep. So I mostly laid in bed for three years, doped up. The pain was worse, and I was so exhausted from the effects of drugs that I couldn't fight off the pain. Meanwhile, all my closest friends were starting to use morphine and other things like that. One day, I stopped taking the pills, I got out of bed, I walked up and down the road all day long for a year or so, until I lost most of the seventy pounds I'd gained on the drugs. People in my family kept calling me fat, and people would see me walking on the road all fat, and they gossiped about it, and my family heard about it, and were pissed off at me for walking around all fat. And my friends were all drug addicts, and didn't talk to me, because they were off finding ways to get high. And I'm not a happy person.
Life is not ordered by anything if not the poetry that each individual creates. And this is made for others, as much as for the person that makes it. The "I" that I claim to be is an illusion. And I have to keep myself intact every moment, with this illusion, or I float away into abstract impersonal, vertiginous maddening pain. I have to consciously construct "who I am" every moment.
So if people here, like most people, think that what I say is weird or arrogant, or talking all out of my ass: that's my explanation.