11-23-2012, 04:31 PM
Hi coffespoons,
You have put a lot of rawness and and thoughts in here, that many people will be able to identify with, but having got the ideas down on paper they need organising and structuring so that the reader is able to have some natural breathing spaces. (and not suffocate themselves reading it)
Try reading through and seeing where you naturally draw breath. also you can look at where the subject has natural breaks or changes.
...when I'm writing if i get a write like this where is has been in a hurry to come out I give it a couple of days to settle and then work on the sturcturing and any other poetic tecniches that i feel suit the verse. Hope this helps.
You have some good story idea and with a bit of editing it could work well.
You have put a lot of rawness and and thoughts in here, that many people will be able to identify with, but having got the ideas down on paper they need organising and structuring so that the reader is able to have some natural breathing spaces. (and not suffocate themselves reading it)
Try reading through and seeing where you naturally draw breath. also you can look at where the subject has natural breaks or changes.
...when I'm writing if i get a write like this where is has been in a hurry to come out I give it a couple of days to settle and then work on the sturcturing and any other poetic tecniches that i feel suit the verse. Hope this helps.
You have some good story idea and with a bit of editing it could work well.