Mindflow

[billy]

it reads well but when you look closer it needs to hold the reader in a tighter grip. it verges on extended cliche but maybe it's just me who sees it that way. instead of a simile with the mind/river thing, why not remove the "is like" and make it tighter. , remove anything that doesn't add something. 'flowing deep' is a solid cliche that could be changed to something more original though i have no suggestion that come readily to mind. ever heard the line, slowly rivers flow
to the sea, to the sea? this too is an an epic cliche. the poem itself isn't bad but it could be much improved with an edit.

My mind
a River...
Flowing deep,

thanks for the read