11-14-2012, 11:49 AM
(11-14-2012, 09:12 AM)TimeOnMyHands Wrote: Mum, hear me crya journey through life. the last stanza was almost beautiful. so much to like, the pride of childhood, the love of an adult child, and everything in between. my only nit is nothing really, though i think if you're using grammar you should use periods.
Mum, watch me smile
Mum, here’s my first step
Mum, hold my hand
Mum, dad won’t let me win
Mum, were do the stars go, in the day is the 2nd comma needed?
Mum, will you tell dad
Mum, why is the sea salty
Mum, are we there yet
Mum, I’m bored
Mum, can we go now
Muuum, shut up
Mum, what’s for tea
Mum, is my shirt ironed
Mum, can I have a lift
Mum, can I have some money
Mum, let me carry your bags
Mum, do you want a cup of tea
Mum, how’s your day been
Mum, I love you
the last line is as cliche as any cliche could be but it's perfect for the poem.
thanks for the read
