first attempt at a sonnet

[billy]

leanne got everything i thing, but i'll still give some of my thoughts

The greatest love story ever…….
(An over view of Song of songs - the whole story)

Can love be captured, penned, be tamed and trained? the captured and penned, alter the rhythm. i'd suggest 'penned or captured, tamed or trained?'
A Song of Songs! To whom belonged this piece? some good ong stuff going on. very graceful.
For graced this song the sages, and much was gained.
Thus remiss them so kissed. Love lost, without peace this and the line above feel awkward to speak, my suggestion for this line would be; them so kissed remiss, love lost, without peace the meter isn't i ambic but you might get away with it leannes idea works for the line above.
to roam, if ever such a kiss would be dismissed. really good use of assonance with the iss's
An alter stone, such heart would scarce be fitted, altar
to grace the words of love thus tamed amiss.
So dust to dust a heart is lost; uncommited. is is and the semi colon needed?
But love his word has spoken true. He calls,
unchanged from age to age, his love, his 'dove'
to "come my beautiful one...(the curtain falls).
For you I die. My life, a gift my love".
Thus speaks the word on tablets plain. Alas delayed.
But wait, he comes! Your love is here this day.

a few extra feet that can swapped via leanne's advice should you use it
, six loves feels like at least three too many. your really into song of songs

a great effort cidermaid

thanks for the read.