Billy,
Just a thought, if I were cutting away lines to bring it out more it may look like this. If it doesn't work for you I understand. Just easier to show you. There are some really strong lines here and a good poem. Here goes:
Embassy staff died
parts of diplomats sent home.
Aluminium pouches stamped
MADE IN BENGHAZI.
Spread like jam over a tv screen
black blood, nibbed across broadsheets.
Flag-weaving foreigners, fighting for what?
I held no pity.
They were not gods or heroes
they were not me. (I cut the of here, but otherwise let the text stand)
I liked the title too. I'm not sure if that's helpful. I liked the read though.
Best,
Todd
Just a thought, if I were cutting away lines to bring it out more it may look like this. If it doesn't work for you I understand. Just easier to show you. There are some really strong lines here and a good poem. Here goes:
Embassy staff died
parts of diplomats sent home.
Aluminium pouches stamped
MADE IN BENGHAZI.
Spread like jam over a tv screen
black blood, nibbed across broadsheets.
Flag-weaving foreigners, fighting for what?
I held no pity.
They were not gods or heroes
they were not me. (I cut the of here, but otherwise let the text stand)
I liked the title too. I'm not sure if that's helpful. I liked the read though.
Best,
Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson