First Poem

[billy]

really good edit spoons.

you can tighten it up further, by letting the reader do some of the work:

Time took off out the door and down the street.
I rolled over, hit the alarm and put the snooze on

Time took off down the street.
I rolled over and hit the snooze button (just a suggestion for you to think about.)

you can do the same in other places, leaving some of the work to the reader adds tension and often depth. (different readers see different thing)

it can't be quantified but i agree that you could remove some of it. (as much as you possibly can)

It doesn't discriminate in its hate
And has no problem showing you its selfish side,
A dizzying merry-go-round, life is a helpless ride.
I'm not alone in my contempt for it too,
However all that being said, all that being true

the above lines are mainly fluff, packaging that doesn't really add anything. in fact it hides what you really want to say.

don't bother with the rhyme just yet, work on getting the thing solid. then work on the rhyme changing little bits where needed.

a really good effort with the edit.