how far do you go?

[rowens]

What holds me back? You might not want me to explain. I like to travel, to go on adventures through forests and cities, libraries and bookstores and antique stores, and so on. I like to experience settings and atmospheres first-hand, and write about them. And I eagerly try to get others to join me. But I'm from a town with no bookstores, no record stores, and no demand for any such things. So people turn down my offers; and family act concerned, and doctors tell them I seem to be a manic personality, that "the nature of his writing attests to this", and that I shouldn't be "enabled", or encouraged in anyway when I speak of travelling, and the "unusual" subjects I'm preoccupied with in my writings. When cofronted by a doctor, I told him that I was always so aware of my mortality and the short amount of time that I have to be in this world, and I wanted to go as many places and do as many things as possible while I still have the chance. At that point, the doctor stopped talking directly to me, and informed the other person in the room that the statement I'd just made was evidence of delusional thinking. And that most of the things I say and write are symptoms of my illness. --And for the time being, I'm stuck here, not protesting, because I'm in love with someone. Though they have since abandoned me in favor of a loud mouth, redneck drug addict that makes such comments to her as "You do right by me or else...", "I wouldn't want to have to lift my leg over you and mark my property", and "Go back to the store and get that fifty cents you lost, you fucking idiot!", he's a well respected man around here, he doesn't have to work, people give him drugs and money for free, and his girlfriend pays all his bills. I was paying some of her bills until he prohibited it. Now I'm trying to figure out what to do next.