working the bar.

[rowens]

If you're going to revise it, simply because you feel it was rushed, I'll wait and look at it again. Some of the lines flow like more than one sentence in one sentence. It has that feel, especially since you implied it's not finished. Sometimes I read it through and think it almost works as it is, but then I'm not sure. I don't see anything bad about how the subject's handled as far as that goes.