09-25-2012, 06:54 AM
the 2nd stanza is very subtle, not sure if the slow dance is too cliche or not but i'd keep it simply because it's an image that was often substituted pre or post instead of sex. everything works in alluding to the act.
the last stanza ties in perfectly with the title and in some ways act as a hook. (is 'the' needed in the last stanza i wonder?) the title is very clever. at first when i saw it before reading the poem i thought "that weak, why not just say what it is; fucking" but after reading the poem i see why it was done that way no nits here as such, i'm not sure which one to choose, i like both equally.
the last stanza ties in perfectly with the title and in some ways act as a hook. (is 'the' needed in the last stanza i wonder?) the title is very clever. at first when i saw it before reading the poem i thought "that weak, why not just say what it is; fucking" but after reading the poem i see why it was done that way no nits here as such, i'm not sure which one to choose, i like both equally.