F*%ing is a Metaphor for F*%ing (Revision)

Hello There, Guest! Register

WILL ALL MEMBERS PLEASE GIVE FEEDBACK BEFORE POSTING A POEM IN ANY OF THE MAIN WORKSHOPS.

F*%ing is a Metaphor for F*%ing (Revision)

Aish

Offline

Raven Queen

Posts: 259
Threads: 45
Joined: Jul 2011

#2

09-25-2012, 04:59 AM

Hi, Todd, lovely to read you again.

I don't think you need "the" in front of "white" in L2. I really don't have any nits, except I'm biased and think you need strophes.
The piece is well developed, and evoked an emotional response from me, both melancholic and nostalgic. Thanks for the lovely bits today Smile

Smile

PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?

Website

Reply

« Next Oldest | Next Newest »

Messages In This Thread

F*%ing is a Metaphor for F*%ing (Revision) - by Todd - 09-25-2012, 04:03 AM

RE: F*%ing is a Metaphor for F*%ing - by Aish - 09-25-2012, 04:59 AM

RE: F*%ing is a Metaphor for F*%ing - by Todd - 09-25-2012, 05:01 AM

RE: F*%ing is a Metaphor for F*%ing - by Aish - 09-25-2012, 05:01 AM

RE: F*%ing is a Metaphor for F*%ing - by Todd - 09-25-2012, 05:08 AM

RE: F*%ing is a Metaphor for F*%ing - by Leanne - 09-25-2012, 05:12 AM

RE: F*%ing is a Metaphor for F*%ing - by Todd - 09-25-2012, 05:20 AM

RE: F*%ing is a Metaphor for F*%ing - by billy - 09-25-2012, 06:54 AM

RE: F*%ing is a Metaphor for F*%ing - by Todd - 09-25-2012, 07:11 AM

RE: F*%ing is a Metaphor for F*%ing - by Aish - 09-26-2012, 02:02 AM

RE: F*%ing is a Metaphor for F*%ing - by Todd - 09-26-2012, 02:41 AM

RE: F*%ing is a Metaphor for F*%ing - by billy - 09-26-2012, 07:33 AM

RE: F*%ing is a Metaphor for F*%ing - by Todd - 09-26-2012, 08:12 AM

RE: F*%ing is a Metaphor for F*%ing - by Aish - 09-27-2012, 02:46 AM

RE: F*%ing is a Metaphor for F*%ing - by Philatone - 09-27-2012, 12:45 PM

RE: F*%ing is a Metaphor for F*%ing - by Todd - 09-27-2012, 07:50 PM

RE: F*%ing is a Metaphor for F*%ing (Revision) - by Todd - 05-27-2017, 12:36 AM

RE: F*%ing is a Metaphor for F*%ing (Revision) - by Keith - 05-27-2017, 01:38 AM

RE: F*%ing is a Metaphor for F*%ing (Revision) - by Todd - 05-27-2017, 05:30 AM

RE: F*%ing is a Metaphor for F*%ing (Revision) - by Richard - 05-28-2017, 05:06 AM

RE: F*%ing is a Metaphor for F*%ing (Revision) - by Todd - 05-29-2017, 12:59 AM

Users browsing this thread: 3 Guest(s)